Angels and Demons

I have come to realize something in my weight loss process (or, my weight gain process depending on the week):

There are two voices always battling for my ears.

One tells me over and over again: "You can't change. You should quit. This is your lot in life. You were meant to be this way. Give up."

The other one tells me over and over again: "You are new. Today is a new day. I don't even remember what happened yesterday because we are looking ahead. You got this."

Now it is clear to me who those two voices belong to. They go by many names in this world. The most epic of movies and television shows are based around the battle between them, but here we all are, stuck in the middle and wondering who we should listen to.

When I put it plainly, the choice is clear. Duh. What idiot would listen to someone that says you should give up and that you're stuck? I can answer that. See, when that voice is tied directly to my emotions, my emotions win every time.

At least, that's how it used to be.

If you are anywhere near as emotional as I am, let me give you a painful piece of advice: your emotions are not the truth. They will betray you, and they will get the best of you.

But there is good news. I have a pretty great way to fix this. Ready for it?

Let someone into your emotional life. Let someone into those deep, dark, scary lies that you know are lies, yet you still find yourself believing as truth.

That directive has been a battle for me. I have let some people in that have helped me heal, and I have let some people in that have cut me even deeper. But like most things in life, we have to experience bad to have the good.

So be open to experience. I am fighting for myself in this regard right now. I am fighting the desire to wall myself up with alone time, but I know that's not what God wants for me. You and I were not meant to go it alone. So even if you shoot me an anonymous message and need an ear, I have two of them.

One is already reserved for you.

-Liz

God's super secret will for your life.

Well, it has been a whirlwind life for me here in little Cary, North Carolina. A lot of changes, a lot of excitement, a lot of anticipation and hope.

I have a move and a job change coming up. Still in North Carolina, still with the Y. What has amazed me over the last two months is how God showed me time and time again that he has a great plan in place for me. What he has also showed me is how the volume of my anxiety and emotions get in the way of my ability to hear his whispers.

Every morning I get up, make coffee and something green in my vitamix. I sit down at my breakfast table and spend time being still. Usually this involves writing out my laundry list of fears and emotions and needs to God. Or asking him for the hundredth time "God, what is your will for my life?"

God has shown me...that is not the right question to ask.

See, the more I learn about God, the more I realize that his will for my life is simple. Too simple, in fact, for me to accept. It would be easy if he just said "well, take this job for this long and live there for that long and then spend money on that thing and spend time with that person and then you'll know my will for your life."

The secret will of God for my life is the same as his secret will for your life: love him. Love people.

It's all over the bible. Jesus says it a lot, in a lot of different ways. But I am selfish, and the world revolves around me, so I think that I need to know everything about everything and therefore God must have a very specific plan for me, but only a plan that I can get on board with and that won't rock my boat too much.

The problem with that? I am trying to fit God into my plan. Not myself into his. And last time I checked, the math doesn't work out on that.

So every morning I am slowly starting to see myself listening less to my emotions and fears and more to my Dad. This guy that knows me better than I know myself and that I don't understand at all and can't comprehend. I don't understand that kind of love. But I am trying to accept it, and accept knowing that there are things I will never know.

Super secret things that one day I will get to ask him about.

-Liz

(p.s. - download Joyce Meyer's podcast. It is good, good, good.)

Power of the Pause

Stop.

Hammertime.

Last week, I helped out my crazy friend Hannah who is the pied piper of high schoolers at our YMCA. We did a progressive all-nighter. From 9pm-7am (yes, you read that right) we entertained 75 high schoolers with food competitions, hamster ball races, ice skating, bowling, and snacks on snacks on snacks.

And Bojangles. Oh, and pizza. And Little Debbie was there.

It was temptation island. In the worst way.

The combination of being 37, staying up all night, and staring down the barrel of snack city was a lot for me. I thought I would feel sad, left out, a sense of unfairness that I can't eat like everyone else does. But this shift has taken place where I think...ok, if I eat more of this, I will feel physically crappy in about ten minutes. And for us emotional eaters, this is a big deal.

It's the power of the pause.

Here's another example: at night, I want to eat everything in sight. I want to sit down on my blue couch, catch up on my DVR, and bring over snacks on snacks. Until I am numb. But not until recently have I paused to ask myself: what will I feel AFTER the numb feeling of being overstuffed?

Yes, their shirts say "Snack Boyz."
Yes, they drove around a red van
filled with snacks. Yes, that is
my dream AND my nightmare.

The feeling of slight hunger is now more appealing to me than the feeling of being overstuffed. But wait, don't get me wrong. I have a lot of missteps. But the difference is that I am able to find my way again much quicker than before. One misstep doesn't turn into a lost day or a lost weekend. Progress.

Yes, I ate a slice of pizza at our all-nighter. Yes, I had a biscuit at Bojangles. But it wasn't three pieces of pizza. And it wasn't three boberry biscuits. And for someone who stuffs down her emotions with food, it was a victorious up-all-night.

-Liz

Food competitions with Ref Hannah.

You would think this gluttony would curb my desire
for donuts. Nope. Donuts make me GO nuts. Still.