Cross your legs.

Trust me when I say, there are a thousand things going on in my head. I need to write a blog about how I am ACTUALLY losing weight, practical ways to do it. I need to write a blog about the self-discipline changes in my life, I need to write a blog about community and change and distance and fear but the topic that will win today is:

Crossing my legs.

It's crazy how I can't see the difference in my body like other people again. It just proves how skewed our view of ourselves is. I have lost 76 pounds since September. But there are days where I still feel that I look the same. The coolest indicator for me lately, however...is being able to cross my legs.

When I was in middle school I was in church choir. I remember that we had a special performance one year and all the girls were to sit at the front of the stage and our choir director instructed us to wear black skirts, and to sit with our knees together, or to cross one leg over the other so we all looked the same. Performance day came and I crossed my legs like the other girls and after the first set of songs, my mom discretely told me "don't cross your legs anymore, because the congregation can see a little too much."

Embarrassing at the time, but a reality now that my legs, since middle school, haven't been crossable since. And it's really only been in the last few months that the comfortable way for me to sit has been to cross my legs. You probably take that for granted. You also might take for granted the fact that you can sit in any chair with arms without wondering if you can fit in that chair. There is an average-sized world of people that has no anxiety over chairs, booths, seats, rides, and everything in between.

I look at my legs now, and I can't believe how awesome they look. I can't believe I can sit in a chair with arms and see extra room in the seat. Honestly. I don't think I'll ever get over how crazy that is. But I feel like such a bad ass when I cross my legs. I try to do it every chance I get.

I have a lot of years to make up for, after all.

-Liz