Man, time flies when you decide to change literally every area of your life all at once. But, if you know me, you might know that I don't do anything half way. And when it comes to life, I make no exception!
A year ago, July 11, 2018, was my duodenal switch surgery. I looked into surgery not knowing if I would actually go through with it. I went to all the classes, all the weigh-ins, all the doctor visits, therapy evaluations, sleep studies, and support groups. I sat in extra-wide chairs with arms with extra-wide people just like myself, and visited extra-wide restrooms with extra-wide toilet seats. Rex Bariatric sure knows how to keep us extra-wide people extra comfortable!
I remember looking around the room in every class I attended. I remember thinking "will they have surgery? Will they go through with it?" The nutritionists would stand up from the front and tell us that after surgery, you can't smoke. You can't drink alcohol. You can't eat fried foods. You can't eat a portion bigger than your palm. You can't drink out of a straw. You can't eat too fast. You can't eat anything before you eat protein. You can't drink anything when you're eating. You can't eat breads and pastas and pizzas and sandwiches and really, anything like you used to. You just can't. And I would watch the room as people rolled their eyes, crossed their arms, elbowed the person next to them sitting in their extra-wide chair and all the while I wondered "Will they go through with it? Wait, will I go through with it?"
So a year later, I am still carefully watching all my "you can'ts." I am still visiting my nutritionist and team of doctors regularly. I think about all the people that went through the pre-surgery classes with me and wonder if they went through with it. Even though there are a lot of "you can'ts" that I am paying attention to, this past year has been shaped by the "you cans." And this list is my unicorn. It is the things that I thought had escaped me in life and I would never experience. I reasoned it away for myself and convinced myself that God has other plans for me. That He wanted me to be alone to rely on Him only, and that my weight was my burden to bear. Little did I know that He had something in mind for me that was greater than anything I had ever dreamed of.
Liz Simpers' Great Big Unicorn List of You Can's (ahem....)
- You can...fit into an airplane seat and put the arm rest down.
- You can...shop at the mall. Any store you want. Even Forever 21. (but you would never because you're forever 43)
- You can...sit in any chair you want. Or booth. Or stadium. Or baseball game. Or roller coaster. (but you would never again because you're rearranged insides hate being jostled around by every roller coaster ever invented. And most cars too.)
- You can...wear name brand clothes.
- You can...turn to people for comfort and not food.
- You can...drive past the McDonald's and not stop at the drive-thru.
- You can...reach over your shoulder to grab your seatbelt and, with the same hand, buckle it. (I bet that's one you've never thought of!)
- You can...run a half marathon.
- You can...ride a bike up and down your street.
- You can...feel comfortable in a bathing suit.
- You can...be outside in the summer and not sweat like you're in a sauna.
- You can...cross your legs and sit comfortably.
- You can...have a healthy relationship with food.
- You can...be gay AND a christian, and be proud of both.
- You can...have the courage to tell your friends and family that you are gay, always have been, and be accepted.
- You can...finally address your health issues, learn to love yourself, and be ready to accept love.
- You can...fall in love.
- You can...go on family vacations and adventures and run errands and be in partnership.
- You can...do anything you've ever wanted without fear of not fitting in.
- You can...be a part of a family.
Today I am at my goal weight and 130 pounds lighter than I was a year ago. Today I see a new "you can" almost every day. I had no idea what post-surgery life would bring, but I was admittedly terrified to take that leap. But isn't amazing how God honors our faith in taking leaps by providing someone to catch us?
So yeah, my year was pretty great. Thanks for asking! May we all replace those "I can'ts" with "I cans" and watch how God shows up in our faithfulness. Amen?
