Private struggles in a public world.

Do you ever think how crazy it is that you see a new person you've never seen before almost every single day? I mean, how many people are really out there that can invade my routine life on a daily basis? That's nuts.

What's also nuts is that every one of us is fighting some private battle that most of us aren't willing to share. It used to feel so crazy to me that people are so afraid of sharing. Nowadays, I understand why.

It's not until you go through significant life change that you understand the fear of vulnerability. It's not until you experience deep shame that you question your ability to be open with the people that love you. For me, that change has been tackling my weight issues. That has always been my most private struggle in the most public of ways.

Unlike other addictions, it's pretty impossible to hide food addiction. You literally wear it on your body. And it can become a physical barrier to insulate and isolate yourself from others. Tackling it over the past few years has left me almost naked in a way. Open to heartbreak like I would never allow before.

That kind of edge-standing is terrifying. But it has also given me compassion for a world that isn't willing to go there. Because lately, I haven't been willing to go there. It hurts. It's a wound. It's a risk. And I have never been a risk taker.

I am reminded to be kind to strangers. And to be kinder to the people I love and that love me. Because all of us are fighting some private battle that most of us aren't willing to share. The question is: who are we willing to let in?

Ben does life.

In 2011 I stumbled upon this video about a guy named Ben. In 2009, he weighed over 300 pounds. By the end of 2010, he had lost 120 pounds. Watch this:

Ben got a book deal. Had a big blogger following with "Ben Does Life." Inspired thousands of people. Found love. Pursued his passion for writing.

But that was in 2011.

Ben now weighs over 350 pounds. More than when he started his journey in the beginning. Most of us wonder "how?" How could this inspirational guy that publicly documented his journey and wrote a book about weight loss gain it all back and then some? In fact, most of us would write it off as a failure, if we're being honest.

But guess what? Ben still has a blog. He is still working on it. He is still doing life.

See weight loss blogs come and go. I can't tell you how many blogs I used to follow of people with successful stories that are now...gone. No posts since last year. Or the year before. Or the blog was taken down because I guess it's just too hard to be public if you fail. Sure, the success is worth sharing, but the failure...

But Ben is doing life. He is doing life because he knows that the failure is worth sharing. Failure doesn't mean falling. Failing means not giving up. And this dude hasn't given up. His blog is gut wrenching for me because I can share his emotions on depression and loneliness. Weight loss and weight gain. It is so awesome to watch the scale numbers go down and the clothes get baggy. It is so devastating to watch the opposite happen. But ultimately, the opposite does happen. For so many people. Then, try doing that while the world is watching!

Just because we fail, it doesn't make us a failure. It's an event, not a person. It's temporary, not permanent. It's a thing, not a condition. The past few months have been great for me. I have a great friend holding me accountable and my eating has been on point and I am getting stronger again after surgery. I am down about 18 pounds since February. This is a wave that I will ride as hard as I can. But when the failure wave comes (and it will), I am going to take a page out of Ben's book and just do life. Keep moving. Keep getting back up.

Failure is an event, not a person.

-Liz

A healthy heart.

I've been reading through Henry Cloud books lately. He is a well known speaker, author, psychologist, general bad ass christian guy that keeps things very real. In this world, that's rare. In christian circles, it seems to be even more rare.

Is it ok for christians to admit to struggle? Yes. Do we practice that? No.

I am about halfway through his book "Safe People" and it's fascinating. He has this way of breaking down relationships that will make you nod your head in relief and be reminded that you are not crazy.  I wanted to share this. Read this list slowly, his list of the "Interpersonal Traits of Unsafe People" as follows:

1. Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting.
2. Unsafe people are only concerned about "I" instead of "we."
3. Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
4. Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us.
5. Unsafe people condemn us instead of forgiving us.
6. Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
7. Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of remaining consistent.
8. Unsafe people are a negative influence on us instead of a positive one.
9. Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping secrets.

While this is not an inclusive list, I think he pretty much sums up the traits that can turn any relationship bad quickly. How many times have you been an unsafe person to someone else? I was SHOCKED to take a personal assessment of how many times I have done any of the above things to someone else. Now that doesn't make us unsafe people, it just means we are prone to treating each other in unsafe ways.

Healthy eating ultimately leads me to a healthy heart. And a healthy heart wants to be healthy in every way. This is a big part of that. It's not enough to work on the outside when the inside needs attention. I am taking stock of the food I eat. The work outs I do. But now, how about the thoughts I have? The way I treat others? The things I share? The things I keep private?

Still waiting for My Fitness Pal to develop an app to include my mind intake and my emotional intake. A healthy heart is a lot more than proper calorie intake.

-Liz