You're so...out there.

Thank you?

Wait, it doesn't mean what you think it means.

One of my friends from work said that to me a few weeks ago. And when she said it, it was in reference to my blog. It took me a second to understand what she meant. And my face displayed my confusion. She explained.

"I could never say what you say. You are so open and out there."

Oh, I get it. Now, that is a compliment. But also a painful reminder. She was right. I am SO out there. Sometimes I'm so out here that I can get hurt. The elements get to me easier. I am more accessible to hurt. Not many people are willing to be out here with me. When I succeed, it's great! But when I fail, it is awful. The lowest of lows. Because I wonder, am I letting people down?

This week I really dug deep with eating and working out. I ate GREAT every single day. And it has truly been a battle. Of epic proportions. It is hard to not believe the lies that stop us from success. You know them as well as I do: You can't do this. It's too hard. Might as well give up. It's not fair that you have to deal with this and others don't. No one else is dealing with this. You're all alone. I have adopted something they share in Alcoholics Anonymous to combat my emotional eating: HALT.

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired

If any of those emotions are allowed to take up too much real estate in your brain, you are more susceptible to backsliding and making a bad decision. Some of you might think like me: I feel one or all of those emotions to some extent ALL the time!

I am learning how to pause before I go for the food I think I want. It's no longer "What do I want to eat?" It has become "WHY do I want to eat?"

There is an emotional eating blog that has REALLY, REALLY helped me here. And in the meantime, I would love some company out there. Because being so out there can be really, really, lonely.

-Liz

It doesn't matter how you start. It matters how you finish.

But we all need to start somewhere. And some of us need to restart. And some of us need to restart the restart.

So a few weeks ago, I asked for some feedback on weight loss tips. What has helped you start or restart or restart the restart? I got GREAT feedback. So if you need some inspiration, take a looksee:

From Kevin who has lost a LOT of pounds this past year: quote I heard...you don't win bc of the plays you make but bc of the mistakes you avoid making. Generic advice but I like it!

From Leslie who just ran the NYC marathon (I like this because it is realistic. We can't avoid all foods that are bad for us, and for most of us, food simply just isn't "fuel" but the spice of life): Hey here is some weight loss advice we have followed and it works. If you are going to get fast food, no drive thru. You have to walk in to get it. And eat it there. Most of the time you can just get home and eat some thing WAY better for you. Even if you eat a side of chips, it will be better in the long run than piles of fries and burgers.

And this one, from Robyn. Who explains her quiet weight loss journey: Hey Liz! I saw your post and thought I'd send a message. I keep on the DL, especially about my weight but since the birth of my last child I've lost 110 pounds. I don't tell anyone - I mean, my husband knows - but I have never said the number out loud to anyone else. It took me about a year and half to lose it all, and its been a year and I have been able to keep it off. Here's how. The diet came first - I knew I wanted to lose weight so I started weight watchers. And I did lose! I think around 30-35 pounds. Then I watched Food, Inc - and realized I was eating a bunch of crap, even on WW. Then I read Fast Food Nation and just got scared straight. So - ANYWAY - I changed my diet to a whole foods diet. Generally - if it comes in a bag or a box - I don't eat it. If there are a bunch of preservatives in it - I don't eat it. I heard somewhere "If your great grandmother doesn't know what it is then don't eat it." Throughout the whole time I cut out white sugar and white flour. They were immediate goners. My breakfast that I eat everyday and LOVE is egg whites scrambled with shredded cheddar cheese with Ener-G Light Tapioca Bread, which I toast and eat with butter. Lunch depends - but most of the time it some kind of lettuce wrap and a greek yogurt. And then dinner is a protein, a complex carb and a vegetable. Berries with whipped cream for dessert. Snacks involve hummus and carrots or wasa crackers. and I like hot tea throughout the day. 

But it all wasn't just diet. When the baby was born I walked on our treadmill with him in a front pack. Then I started to jog a little (without the front pack, of course) and then SOMEONE (hint, hint - it was you) decided to motivate me into running when you ran 10 miles. It took me awhile to reach that goal, but thanks to your motivation - I did it! And I still run - I enjoy signing up for races (I try for one a month) and just being in the community of others that love to do what I do. Knowing that I have a race coming up keeps me motivated to stay on the treadmill running. That is really a big one - signing up for races is a huge workout motivator. And I went to the Dr recently just for a check up and a thumbs up - which I got - and have registered for my first full marathon in May. So I'm excited to reach for that goal! 

So - I hope this helps and thank you for your motivational words that you put out there all the time - they help me so much! I hope and pray your back continues to heal! Take care!

I was on vacation last week and read a book that completely rocked my socks off, and has helped me start the process to get over some crippling relationship heartbreak that I have been dealing with over the past few months. This book has helped me identify some people-pleasing habits I have that have walled me off and broken me down from ever fully being myself, and has given me practical ways to address my desire to try and be someone I'm not.

Did I sell the book enough for you to read it? Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection. I am telling you now, this book will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, take action.

I have also come to the conclusion that I need to get more committed again. I have been testing the waters with my big toe for too long. I did this weight loss thing once, and I'm going to do it again. Tomorrow is my last follow-up at the back doctor, so I am hoping and praying to be cleared for all activity. Stay tuned...

One last thing: I have some new ideas that are going to require your feedback. Your painful, honest, and open feedback. So get ready for that. We need each other.

-Liz

ADDENDUM: Forgot to add the tips people posted on Facebook when I asked this question:

From Kelly: I found that the app Tap and Track was totally useful. I ended up losing 8 lbs this summer. Of course strength and cardio too...but I didn't cut out beer or even sweets. It just made me eat more consciously.

From Dawn: Love weight watchers. Since joining weight watchers I am so much smarter about my choices and PORTIONS. I clearly had no idea what a real portion was, or how to guestimate weight/size. What I guessed as a 3 ox chicken breast....was really 8 oz when I got it on the scale. The program really helps you plan and prepare yourself for everyday challenges, and for special events like Thanksgiving. Plus I go to actual meetings once a week, and being with others just like me is really great to share successes and struggles with along the journey. Best of luck with whatever you chose, it is a lifestyle change!

From Carolee: Cut out all soda/soft drinks/sugary drinks. Go for water, unsweetened iced tea, etc. even avoid diet soda. That is a fairly easy lifestyle change and will make a huge difference.

I'm messed up. So are you. Let's talk about it.

I follow a few blogs. Most of them are weight loss blogs. I can't help it, I get real inspired by them. And when everything was all unicorns and rainbows (shout out to Betty Goddard) we lived together in a happy world where we were all doing well and had it all together.

That doesn't last.

One of my blog friends fell off the grid. That's not a good sign. So I tweeted her, and she replied. Take a read:

Things have not been well. It's a reoccurring cycle of over eating, feeling depressed, eating more, not being able to breathe, no exercise and no weighing myself. I've given up, lost hope in myself. I don't know if I can do it. Monday I decided to start eating right and exercising once again....I just don't want to fail again. I hate having a blog because I've let everyone down, it's so depressing. When do I stop this and get back to where I was? Where is the motivation and inspiration to eat right? To feel good? Ugh. I don't know. I guess I need to stop complaining and start doing. 


I lack accountability so much. I wish I had someone to be 100% serious, mean when needed and fair to be accountable with. I've seemed to not find that and sometimes I feel so alone and much easier to just eat and feel worse. I wonder if you feel my pain. I need to start being accountable somehow, any ideas. I'm all out. I guess I have to grow up and do it for yourself. Hopefully MondayI can stick with it, I just don't want to fail again.

I hope your back is ok! You've been killing it even with your surgery. That's awesome and motivation to kick butt. I wish I knew where that (girl) is that kicked butt and was awesome and loved to exercise. I can't find her!

One other worry....I'm going on a mission trip to the Dominican and at this point I will need a seat belt extender.....I'm sick. Hopefully I'll change it by march. I can't imagine going on a mission trip at this point and being productive. That's how bad it is. Somehow I still refuse to do anything...I hope my thoughts aren't too much or too confusing for you. It's nice to share with someone who understands. 

Her email rocked my world. Because it's not NEW information. But it's this reminder that, when I don't have it all together, I don't want to share. I don't want to talk. I only want to share, and talk, when I feel like I am doing awesome and want to give advice for people coming up behind me. 

But what happens when I fall behind? When I gain weight back? When things don't work out like I planned, as fast as I planned, how I planned?

I am messed up. And I continue to mess up. So do you. How long will we let that separate us? 

I want to read more from people that admit they struggle. Because then I know, I am not alone. Let's stop putting out the best possible version of ourselves and start putting out the pain, the disappointment, the heartbreak.

THAT would change the world. If we weren't afraid of being ourselves to people, imagine how THAT would change the world.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of trying to be someone I'm not. Can we all quit it and just be honest with each other?

Who's with me?
-Liz

(last but not least...4 weeks after back surgery and I am walking and biking. Pictures from last week below. I pray to God I will never take standing for granted again.)