ONE-DER-LAND!

The stalls are real! It might have taken me three weeks
to lose that last pound to hit the 100's but we did it!

This has been a week. A challenging week. A week in which I lost the joy in what I am accomplishing with my weight loss and my health.

Has that ever happened to you? You are cruising along and staying on track and feeling great but something else hits you from the side that you weren't expecting. For me, that was several things this week. Whether it's work, family, finances, whatever causes the stress - something seemingly small can derail us.

And I was derailed this week. But I can't turn to food like I used to my whole life. However, I did have to fight the desire to crawl into a hole. I fought the urge to stop responding to texts and phone calls, close the blinds, call in sick, and pull the covers over my head. Instead, I am learning how to fight through pain instead of hide from it. I am learning how to let people in instead of locking them out. I am learning to let myself be taken care of as much as I have taken care of others.

God gave me a gift this week. He allowed me to hit that Onederland mark. I didn't do anything spectacular this week. I am eating like I am supposed to, trying to get 100 grams of protein a day, and working out 5 days a week. The half marathon I am training for is in 3 weeks. I am running. A lot. But the weight loss stalls are real, and when I asked my nutritionist if I was done losing weight she quickly, emphatically said "NO! You will lose for the next 8-10 months."

When was the last time I saw a "1" at the beginning of my weight? When was the last time I weighed one hundred something pounds? Was it middle school? If so, I don't remember because my brain blocked the traumatizing days of getting physicals as a 12 year old. And every year after that. The social anxiety and embarrassment of having to go to a doctor once a year and pretend that I wasn't overweight crushed me. The end of the summer was always nerve racking because I knew that any day, my mom would take me for my yearly physical.

We have to let go of one thing to hold on to another. I have to let go of my past to hold on to my future. One summer in high school, I was getting out of a boat to step on to the dock and I hesitated. I hesitated too long with one foot in the boat and one foot on the dock. The boat split from the dock and I fell into the water, flailing with windmill arms the whole way down. I should have let go of the boat and trusted the dock. With both feet. All in.

We are all moving forward. Onederland is not the end. But today, I am resting in this accomplishment and reflecting on how I got here. I am overwhelmed and grateful. I am hopeful and happy. I am proud and humbled. And I am letting go of the boat and trusting the dock.

With both feet.

All in.