If your refrigerator could speak...

I went grocery shopping today since we were out of bananas. Yes my friends, this is always a tragedy.

I am painfully aware of the ways I use food as a coping mechanism for life's ups and downs. Food is there for me when I celebrate, when I mourn, when I am lonely, when I am in community, and truly every emotion in between.

The cool thing now, is to see how I use food in the moment. For instance, I was really hungry today after I worked out. (side note: it was also something like 325 degrees in NC today, so heat makes me want to stay indoors, watch Mad Men reruns, and eat everything in sight) When I was driving back from the Y, I passed Chipotle. Firehouse Subs. McDonalds. Wendy's. Taco Bell. Some new wings restaurant. I even went to Trader Joe's on an empty stomach.

That was my first mistake.

But the reason why all of today was cool, is that the old Liz would have made a b-line to any of the above drive-thrus and gotten my heart's desire. Even though I just ran 4 1/2 miles today, the crazy part of me would say "you deserve to eat whatever you want now!" Really? Do I really deserve that? Do I deserve to work my ass off and then eat my ass right back on?

Pardon the language, but honestly...is this not crazy to you?

Yet we all live this way. Maybe we eat great in public, ordering the half portions at Panera and only drinking water throughout the day, no sweets in the break room and always avoiding birthday cake. But maybe we then go to Harris Teeter and hit up the bakery like they are going out of business. We then go home, lock the door, close the blinds, screen the phone calls and watch Mad Men reruns.

I say this like I have done this before. Well, duh.

Here's the thing - the new Liz knows better. And I can't stress enough how much of a process this whole year has been. I maybe appeared healthy to the outside world, but secret eating was my JAM. I was the best at it. It made me so happy and then, 30 minutes later, it made me so sad. I would work out with my trainer and kill it in the gym, and then I would work out with McDonald's and kill it in front of the tv. Alone, alone alone.

Get the picture?

Let's cut it out with the secret stuff. Who is holding you accountable? Who is your support system? If you are trying to make ANY kind of change, believe me when I say that it won't last until you have someone that you trust walking through it with you.

And here is a little picture of accountability for all of you faceless friends that read my blog. A year ago, if you showed me this picture, I would say "it's a shame all those vegetables are going to go bad because who would ever eat BEETS?"

(Beets are a crazy superfood but are also crazy gross...but I put them in the Vitamix and I can't even taste them so that's what's up.)

If you don't have anyone holding you accountable, find one. Find ten. Find whatever it takes to help you when you don't think you need help. (For a stoonad like me, it takes a village.)

-Liz