I don't know what that one thing is for you. It might be a person, a hobby, or maybe if you're like me, an addiction. My addiction was always food, and it was always there for me. See, unlike a person, you know exactly what you're going to get with food. Unlike a person, it's always available, and unlike a person, it's simple. I know the cost, the taste, the emotions, the process. It's a pretty sick cycle really. But isn't every misplaced comfort like that? We go to these people and things to love us unconditionally, when that is the job of only one person.
God.
God is the only one that can handle that pressure and that expectation. Unconditional love. Never lets me down. Knows my every secret, every sin, every dark, twisted thought, and thinks I am beautiful nonetheless. I can hate Him, turn my back on Him, curse His name, and disown Him, and He keeps His arms open.
There is no one else on earth that will do that for me.
Now that the food is gone (well, the unlimited amounts of comfort food, that is) - the raw emotion remains. I am now dealing with pain and insecurity that I used to just stuff down with food. Every day is a new battle and a new emotion and a new perspective. The only consistent I have right now is Jesus. I'm pretty sure that this is a good place to be. And in a few months, I'll probably believe that 100% without fear.
Stay tuned!
-Liz
Go, Liz, go! What an awesome post. I face and can identify with food addiction as well. I just had a conversation with my mom and told her that the first step (for me) to freedom was to recognize the lie that food would fill the emptiness inside, the emptiness that only God can fill.
ReplyDeleteWhen I let the light of that truth penetrate my emotional anxiety it gives me an opportunity to turn to God and not chocolate frosted donuts!
For sure it's a process. Thankfully, God does not put out the smoldering wick of our fledgling efforts. Good luck!
Krystal! Thanks! I realize how dangerous it is to post such private thoughts...but the reality is that a LOT of people are feeling it, so hopefully it helps! I appreciate your encouragement SO MUCH!
ReplyDeleteLiz you rock and it is absolutely great what you are doing! You already are a great person so make sure you don't lose what makes you awesome along the way of becoming even better!!!!
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