I bought a scale.

I am 38 years old and have never owned a scale. We didn't really have one in my house growing up. No, scratch that...my mom had one of those doctor scales in her room when I was growing up, but I never wanted to get on it.

In fact, as I got older, I feared that scale. Since it was JUST like the doctor's office ones, it reminded me of that dreaded event that I had to endure every year. The sentence my mom would utter to me that threw me into a cookie dough panic: it's time for your physical!

I don't remember a time that the scale didn't scare me. But the danger in that thing is that, the more you ignore it, the more power it gets. I mean, I can say all day that the scale doesn't define me, and that it's just a number, and that it's only about how your clothes fit. But clothes stretch, and belts have options, and Taco Bell is so good and before you know it...you're gaining back the weight you fought so hard to lose.

So I bought a scale. And Amazon delivered it. And the box sat, unopened, on my dining room table for a few days. But today I opened it, and I put the batteries in, and I took a deep breath, and I just stepped on it. The number appeared. And it's a sucky number, but it's my indicator. My reminder. My restarting point.

This scale thing is showing me how I let other things and other people and other opinions determine my worth. When I am lonely or struggling through an issue, I turn to my food friends for comfort. And it ultimately makes me more uncomfortable.

Most of you read this and think "Just eat healthy, damn!" To you I say "thank you, but you don't get it." And I would also say...whatever that big struggle has been your whole life - a person, an event, a place, an addiction - replace that with food and welcome to my world.

So I am going to be courageous and use that scale. And I am going to live well today and not worry about tomorrow. Crazy how God knows enough about me to put that in the bible as words to live by.

Hold on to the people that love you and pursue you. And let go of the ones that don't. Don't let people determine your worth. Don't worry, I'm working on it too.