Make "how are you" a question instead of a greeting.

What do you do when the thing that relieves you is the thing that causes you pain?

I am recovering from neck surgery, which was on July 31st. My mom came down to visit, THANK GOD, and took amazing care of me.

What they took out, and what they
put in. This is the best operation room
photo they would take for me.

She left on Saturday and since then, I have been in a dark place, honestly. When you have someone here that loves you so much, and they are caring for you, and are around you all the time, and then they leave...it leaves a noticeable hole that you try to fill with other things.

Does anyone want to guess how I tried to fill that hole? Well, in the same ways I have been trying to fill voids my entire life...food.

Food is the thing that relieves me. Food is the thing that causes me pain.

So in the midst of loneliness and depression, historically, I have turned to food. And with the move to a new town, those emotions have been knocking on my door, and I have let them in by turning to food. Food is the acceptable drug of choice in our country. No kidding, there are over 20 fast food spots within 5 miles of my house. For a food addict like me, that's like having a bar on every corner, or a dealer that lives in the house across the street.

Everywhere. Temptation to withdrawal further.

I wish I could say that I have found the answer to all this after two years of openly working through it. But I haven't. The closest answer I have found is this: to let people know me, and to make myself available to know others. The more I practice this specifically, the more I see the dark clouds of depression lifting.

For example, this afternoon I rode the spin bike for the first time since surgery and my friend Allison came to work out too. She went out of her way to pull a bike over to me and I was honest about how lonely I've been feeling in this new town. And she received me. And we made plans to work out together more consistently. And she invited me to dinner. And I invited myself to her son's t-ball games. And she checked in with me about church. But most important...we took time to be real with each other.

When my mom was here, she mentioned the concept of "How are you?" and how it has become a greeting, not a question. If I ask you how you are, do I really want to know the answer? "How are you? No, really. How are you? I want to know. And I have time to sit and listen, because I have a feeling you need that. Because I'm not doing so great either."

Surgery selfie. And hopefully the only
selfie I'll ever take.

I'm willing to blow up this blog with some real stuff if you're willing to get on this ship with me. I don't know about you, but I'm getting exhausted by small talk. Can we make "how are you" a question instead of a greeting?