When is this going to be over?

Do you ever have one of those days where, you just want the healthy eating and the calorie counting and the exercising to end? When it's raining outside, and you've been in a meeting all day, and you leave that meeting around 12:15 and pass a buffet of mashed potatoes, fried chicken, sweet tea, biscuits, and everything else that you can't eat but everyone else is piling onto their plastic plates so high that the plates are BENDING IN THEIR HANDS.

Sorry, was that too specific?

Today is that day for me. Today, I want to eat everything in sight. Today, I don't want to run. I don't want to eat another banana, I don't want to be positive, I just want to be done. I want to wake up tomorrow and have lost all the weight I want to lose so I can be done.

The problem is...I'll never be done. A friend reminded me of that and it felt like a brick in my stomach. My healthy eating and working out will never be done. Even when I lose a hundred pounds, it won't be done.

A few years ago, I did Weight Watchers. I lost about 40 pounds. Then I had some personal issues that put me into a dark place, and I gained most of that weight back. See, in my dark place, I'm not alone. I bring my sweet and salty friends with me for comfort. And they comforted me all the way back to 300+ pounds. Some friends they were.

Why will this time be different? When will I be done? When can I eat whatever I want and not work out and take it easy and eat like everyone else? Never. Really? Never?

I don't get that yet. I haven't let go of my old friends yet. I guess I feel like I will see Ben, Jerry, Sara Lee, Ronald McDonald, and Wendy again. And we will hang out like we used to. Today, I want to hang out with ALL of them. I am just praying that tomorrow, I will realize that they were never my friends.

We'll see.

-Liz