Wait, don't freak out. Don't get offended. Or, you can get offended, just hear me out.
I was in the stairwell today, on #4 of my 50 sets of stairs. My brain has been spinning lately with how SERIOUS my food addiction is. When I'm in a beige on beige stairwell and have nothing but time, my brain works overtime.
I think about the past. I think about where I'm at. Mostly, I beat myself up about regrets. I've been thinking about something a lot lately that I finally am able to articulate.
I'd rather be a drug addict.
Yes, an offensive statement. But here's the thing: if I was a drug addict, it would be clear that I needed to stop using drugs. My community would rally around me. I could avoid drugs, get treatment, work the program, and stay clean and sober.Not true for us food addicts.
I can't stop using food. My community doesn't rally around me. Some do. Some just don't get it. I can't avoid food, I am making up the treatment as I go, I am working my own program, and sometimes I am clean and sober.
For food addiction, there aren't clear answers really. Should I never eat processed foods? Is any food ok as long as it's in small portions? And what about holidays? Birthdays? Nights out? Celebrations?
You rarely see groups of people celebrate someone's birth by gathering around a big batch of crystal meth. Yet, I am in the presence of birthday cakes and blooming onions and high fructose corn syrup more than I care to admit. All in the name of celebration.
Drug addicts can avoid their normal spots. Alcoholics can avoid the bar. How am I supposed to avoid - the world? Especially where I live, I can think of any food imaginable and drive less than 5 miles to get it. This process is tougher than I ever thought it would be.
Drug addiction is serious. It ruins families. Kills people. Breaks relationships. Causes heartbreak, isolation, despair, and loneliness.
Newsflash, my friends... so does food addiction. I think I am one of many that can attest to that. So take it seriously. We are in the battle for our very lives. Amen?
-Liz
Amen!! It's all about choices, but when your "drug of choice" is food, even the good advice is conflicting and you can't just do without! Appreciating the difficulty of the struggle with you, Liz, and wishing you the best!!
ReplyDeleteLiz-
ReplyDeleteI have missed your blogs. You know how to write girl. This is insane because lately that is EXACTLY what I have been saying. I have been telling my friends the exact same thing. I wish I was a drug addict. You have to eat to live. You don't have to do drugs. I think we were parted at birth. I am so glad to read a blog from you! I know life is busy and it sucks at times. Have you read "made to crave?" I loved it but as soon as I was done reading it I have been falling off the wagon again. People like us are going to have to deal with this addiction our whole lives and we just have to commit to it! Remember Jesus will help us through this too if we ask for help!
If you need anything email me! We can help each other with accountabilty. jaimi.henline@johnsonu.edu
Have a great week! Keep your head up! Mine is barely hanging!
Made to Crave...YES. Your next read: Thin Within.
DeleteThus is SO PAINFULLY TRUE and is dcsctly what I have been explaining to those closest to me.
ReplyDeleteI call it "My Beast" I have been writing emails to myself to track my thought processes, failures, and success. Along with a pic in bra and panties to show my progress.
You are all speaking the truth. I guess that's part of keeping the blog...the accountability to make sure this is out there and that we can stay on track, right? Stay in the fight, my friends. We might lose some battles, but we won't lose the war...
ReplyDelete