Life on Pause.

About a week and a half ago, I was in class, and we were about to go down and do some burpees. No problem. I've done them a thousand times. But on this day, problem.

I immediately felt a sharp pinch between my shoulder blades and my upper back and neck sort of seized up and I couldn't do anything. For the following week, I stretched, I kept doing cardio, taking Aleve, and I kept hurting. Things kept getting worse and I started to have numbing sensations and weakness down my arm. Time to see a doctor.

I went to a back specialist that I have seen before. The cool thing was, I saw the same doctor that I saw 5 years earlier when I had thrown out my lower back. It was amazing to share my journey with her and how I had hurt my back. 5 years ago, I hurt my back just getting out of bed too fast. This time, I hurt my back doing burpees.

Progress?

Anyways, after x-rays and some pt appointments, I don't know anything else other than I have tweaked my neck. I didn't really care what my doctor was saying when she was explaining things to me. I was just waiting to ask the only question that matters:

"When can I work out?"

She explained my limitations and offered me some possibilities. The recumbent bike! Walking!

Lame.

And apparently, my face was saying what my mouth wasn't. She said "As I am telling you what to do, I can tell that you aren't going to pay attention to me, and you need to."

Ok doctor, you win.

But really, I do see that God was putting me on pause for a few weeks. He is using this frustrating situation to slow me down. I am slow, indeed. Yesterday I broke down. I cried at work, I cried in the car, I cried at home. I was inconsolable. All I wanted to do was get back into the workout plan.

See I am afraid that, if anything changes in my daily life, I will gain weight. And that scares the CRAP out of me.

Last week in my prayer time with God, I prayed "God, please show me how to live." And in a clear voice, He responded to me.

"I already have, but you don't want to do it My way."

That's true.

So God is using this time that I am on pause to remind me how to live. To have patience. To find joy in the struggle, and to lear my perspective. I have no idea if I am going to gain weight through this injury and restoration. But I do know that this weight loss thing is not temporary, and I need to embrace that truth always. Always.

I suggest hitting the pause button every now and then. You'll be surprised by what you can hear when you find a way to quiet the world around you. For me, I was able to hear God more clearly than ever.

What about you?

-Liz