Guilty.

I work at a place that encourages health and wellness. This has been a great motivator for me. We even have initiatives to get healthier foods in our meetings, gatherings, and break times.

We are now, however, in the midst of a campaign to raise money for kids in our community that need the Y but can't afford the Y. So almost every night, we have these call nights where volunteers come in to call members and raise money with us. And almost every night, I am here helping out. Therefore, almost every night, I overeat. You should SEE the food that we have here during this campaign.

I thought I had a handle on the food temptation. I thought wrong. Last night we had Danny's BBQ here and I LOVE Danny's BBQ. Their potato salad is amazing, their coleslaw is on point, and their shredded pork is perfect. So I ate a really full plate of it. Ok, I ate two really full plates of it.

But that's not all! I also had some of this chocolate buttery toffee saltine bark that someone made. I had to physically remove myself from the room (several times) to stop picking at it.

Ten minutes after the feeding frenzy, I was painfully full. We're talking "too much turkey on thanksgiving" painfully full.

Why do I do this?

Today I am struggling with the guilt of last night. I guess it was a bender to an alcoholic. A one-night-stand to a sex addict. It's what "Under the Bridge" was written about.

Guilty as charged.

So today I got up and I worked out. Hard. Like the kind of working out that has now put me into an all-I-want-to-do-is-sleep state of mind. But I need to try harder to break this cycle. I am well aware that I am inspiring others, and that is amazing. It is also pressure like I have never felt before. So as I see myself taking missteps, I have to stop this backsliding and get back into the game. I'm not sure that I have both feet in like I used to. Is there some place deep in me that's not fully committed?

Guilty.

-Liz