Alone in a crowd.

Check out this email that a friend of mine (her blog is here) just sent me. It was the answer to my question that I sent her: Why did you start losing weight in the first place? She has lost 122 pounds. Yes, you read that right. 

I was looking for inspiration from her. But what I got was a lot deeper. I got communion with a friend I've never met, and a reminder that I am not alone in my food addiction. I am hoping you see where she is coming from, too...

Sorry it took me so long to respond. I have been in a sucky place lately when it comes to eating AND exercise actually. I am not feeling either one but I am not feeling eating bad either. After I eat bad I feel like I did 122 pounds ago....the depressed girl that I once was. I started to lose weight because I was just down in the dumps, my life was a big mess and I had totally lost focus of God and his direction for my life. Lately I have almost been feeling the same way, I feel like I need a weight loss savior. I just read your blog about the cracks and the cinammon rolls also...I feel like you are writing my thoughts for me. Food is controlling me and I let it control me. I hate it, how long am I going to have to suffer this? I only lost .5lb this month and I know I can do better. I am getting closer to the 100s than I ever have before except I am slowly slipping back into my old habits. I was swimming and not doing any other exercise which didn't do much for me. I love swimming though, but I am exhuasted after I swim I don't want to do anything else! I feel like I have had to start over in the gym and I am back to 348lbs. Everytime I work out I feel like I am working out for the first time in my life. I don't enjoy that. I want progress! Right now I am so down about the entire situation and I don't know what to do. I looked at pictures from when I was in the 300s and that motivated me....for a day. Then I was at lunch and wanted ice cream along with everyone else....so I got ice cream. I was already so full how in the world did I pack ice cream in there? I don't know, I have a 5K Saturday that I am NOT ready for but I can NOT find motivation. What am I doing wrong? I guess long story short, I don't have an exact reason why I starting losing weight but I know that I feel so much better since I have. I don't want to be a failure, I don't want to gain this weight back but right now I feel like I am drowning in a huge pool of doubt with food being chained to my ankles! I am sorry this is such a depressing reply! I honestly feel like I am losing grip and it is the worst feeling ever. Maybe I need to give it to God, I don't know if I have fully given it over to him or not. I guess I haven't since I feel like I am all alone in this fight.

I don't have the answers for my friend...except to say that we are together in the wilderness. And you might be with us, too...

-Liz