Stuck in a moment with food.

I had a meltdown yesterday. Let me tell you about it.

I was at a training for work. When I arrived to the training room, I grabbed a seat. And then I turned around to see the breakfast they provided. Bread, danish, bagels, and every other delicious sweet thing I could dream of. All within my reach.

This is, the perfect storm.

It's not funny at all, really. It was brutal. The craziest part was, for the better part of the morning, as people were talking to our group, all I was hearing was "cinnamon roll, raspberry danish, blueberry crumb cake."

Everyone around me, and I mean EVERYONE, was enjoying my drug of choice. How is this fair? The thing is, food will ALWAYS be an issue for me. And I get it, I get that everyone has their issue. But everyone else's issue isn't also the socially acceptable way to bring people together.

Food is everywhere. My drug of choice is everywhere. And yesterday, I was forced to sit in a small room while it stared at me for four hours. Do that to an alcoholic in a bar and see what happens.

My meltdown came as we were riding a bus to our next location. I was staring out the window, fighting back the tears. "Will food always have this hold on me?" No, I didn't eat anything that morning. But it invaded my thoughts so much that I couldn't pay attention to anything else. I was stuck in a moment that I couldn't get out of. U2. So wise.

Although the moment passed, I am realizing how deep my food issues run. I don't have an answer to this one, I guess I am just hoping that, if you are like me, you won't feel crazy for feeling this way. I feel crazy. I feel out of control sometimes. Those are the days that I have to go meal by meal, because even looking at the whole day is too overwhelming.

I'm fighting it. And the one comfort in all this...I know that God is fighting it with me.

-Liz