Surgery on Tuesday. And struggling today. Some days are good, some days are bad. Today is one bad day. Physically I feel awful. Emotionally I am a hot mess. I think I have cried like... 4 times today? Maybe more.
What I've realized about pain is that you can't compare it or relate to it in someone else. We all have different tolerances, different experiences, and different emotions. I feel about as different as I can be from most people. If I were any more different, I might start being more similar (you know that old "east to west" analogy).
In the past few days, I have had people sharing similar back surgery stories with me. And they range all the way from "it was the miracle I was looking for" to "it took me a year and a half to walk again and I wish I had never done it."
Can you see why I am so emotional?
But God gave me the hug I needed in the form of a facebook message from an old high school friend. Reminder: I could not feel MORE useless than I do today:
hey Liz, ben thinking about you while you are getting ready for surgery on Tuesday. Praying all goes well for you and that you get some relief from your pain. I wanted to let you know that after you posted that blog/message/whatever you want to call it at the beginning of September, I was finally ready to admit that I needed help with my weight loss. I joined weight watchers within an hour of reading your post. I have already lost 4o pounds, and my life and lifestyle and so much improved. What's better, is that my motivation got my husband to join too. He is down 50 pounds, and soon will be out of the 300's. I am so proud of the steps he has taken, and I feel so liberated myself. I suffer from chronic migraines, the meds I take make me feel sluggish and still do oot give me 100% relief. But, for the first time I feel like I am not a victim of my problems, I am in charge, and roll with the punches and get back up. I just wanted you to know the magnitude of your words. You have truly helped me and my husband find the tools we needed to do this. Thank you so much! Wishing you all the best with your surgery.
Wow. Do we realize that we are light even in our darkest of days?
If you are a praying person, would you pray for me on Tuesday? The thought of this surgery not working is too much for me to bear right now. Ok, now I'm crying for the 5th time today. I just need a win here. I wish I had never taken my work outs for granted.
Stay tuned, and I will update with GOOD news soon.
And it will be good. Scratch that. Great.
-Liz
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